How to Impress Ladies: Aptitude for Sexiness

Recently, a friend recommended Anthol Kay's blog Married Man Sex Life. His approach is to combine a variety of relationship advice from "evolutionary psychology, Pickup Artist “Game”, sociology, biology, life experience, romance novels, crappy women’s magazines, far too many books, blogging, behavior modification and cheap porn." As such, you can imagine a slight player approach to getting his results-- namely how to increase sex in a married man's life. His basic plan trains men to become alpha males (becoming sexually attractive for a woman) while maintaining beta qualities that make a woman want to stay with a man. According to Kay, Alpha qualities are characteristics like being rich, ambitious, handsome, assertive, protective, funny, riding a motorcycle, being good at something like dancing, music or having other talents. Beta qualities would be making a wife chicken soup when she is sick, picking up her dry cleaning and helping with dishes. Men who tend to be natural Betas are more likely to be willing to learn to be Alpha to please a mate. Natural Alphas pretty much do what they want. They are less likely to possess a willingness to learn new skills.

According to Roy Huggins, graduate of Portland State University with a master’s degree in psychology and current counselor, “Aptitude is generally attractive, especially for women (for men, too. It's just that men are also heavily influenced by boobs, etc.) Aptitude in something that the viewer thinks is important and is especially attractive. Most people don't get turned on by an effective chess player -- unless they're really into chess. But some things feel important to pretty much all people. I recall that in the late 90s, when American society started to realize that technical aptitude was extremely valuable for financial success, geeky guys (who possess a certain minimum of social skill) suddenly had a much easier time getting dates. Also, in communities centered around an activity (i.e. co-ed clubs or studios/schools where people study things like dance and martial arts) the most expert members tend to attract romantic attention from their peers. Quite often these people are men, but not always.”

Summarizing this, having skills is attractive. Whether you hangout with a bunch of bowlers or are in an art community, and you are able to show off your skills in such a way that they flatter you, you are more likely to attract someone. As such, one might reason that the more abilities or aptitudes one has and the better one can perform them, the more likely he/she has in attracting a mate . . . or date. And these are especially important if you are a man. So keep that in mind, gentlemen.

Take a moment to think about the skills, talents and abilities you excel in. Are you showing them off? I don't mean brag about them. Are you actually singing in public, karaoke, in a choir if you are a singer? If you know how to tango dance, do you attend milongas and drop in classes? Do you meet up with, network or mentor other professionals in your field? When you write a personal ad, do you mention things you are good at? (Listing sleeping, eating and playing video games are not going to impress anyone.) 

If you don't think you are good at anything, you need to ask someone you know. Or maybe you need to develop an aptitude in something.

Valentine’s Day Depression Cure

Okay, it isn’t exactly a little known fact that Valentine’s Day is a holiday for women. Well, married women and women with boyfriends or girlfriends. Except in Japan. Men get showered with gifts of chocolate! There is a separate holiday to give gifts to women. When I lived in Japan, woman complained they gave far more chocolate away than they received.

That still doesn’t solve the problems of being alone on what is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year. To temporarily alleviate this problem, consider indulging is a little chocolate.  Besides being an aphrodisiac, chocolate has many chemicals and endorphins that cause you to feel good . . . even when your life otherwise sucks.

So, throw a party, invite friends over to watch (and possibly make fun of) a corny romantic movie, build up your nerve to ask someone out on a date, go out on a “date” with a friend. But no matter what, include chocolate in your plans. Or any other comfort food that will make you feel good and conquer the Valentine's Day Depression. 

On Valentine's Day,  prior to this day, or even after this day, is a good time for creating a personal ad. It is my personal and unofficial observation that there is an increased presence and use in personal ads in January and February. 

If you are looking for a long term solution to this problem, consider reading post for that comes out later this month: Aptitude for Sexiness and next month's Manifesting Your Mojo. That way, next year you will have a date when the big V-Day rolls around.           

How Exercise Benefits One's Sex Life

The only real way to prevent the sluggishness, overweight, depression, winter hibernation and overindulgence of comfort foods is to exercise.

Aerobic activity increases the heart rate, blood flow, and circulation which means it is easier to become aroused. If you are worried about smelling, you can always shower together. On the other hand, sweat contains pheromones, or sexual hormones, a key ingredient to sexual chemistry. Usually if you use deodorant, fresh sweat doesn’t smell bad. Only when bacteria is left and grows is there the putrid smell associated with B.O..

Besides the instant benefits of circulation and hormones, exercising regularly will help the overall sex drive in men and women. Regular aerobic activity provides more energy, circulation, a balanced immune system and battles depression. But physical exercise before going to bed with someone also provides the body with a release of extra hormones, pheromones and increase in circulation which will aid in the ability to ahem, GET IT ON! Oh, yeah, and people always talk about how many calories are burned when you have sex, too. I guess that depends on how aerobic you are.

Here are a few ideas for exercise to increase circulation and getting those pheromones rolling:

Go the to the gym together.
Take a stroll  after dinner.
Go dancing. Ladies love a man who can dance. And they'll love a man who just tries to dance too!
Yoga or meditation.
Hiking in a scenic forest.
A walk in the moonlight.
Sunset on the beach.
Play a sport.
If you happen to be taking dance classes and want to show off, your partner will probably be a willing subject.
Vacuuming--way more romantic if a man does this as chore play to show off how great he is to his wife.

The Oops Child: Birth Control, Pregnancy, and Antibiotics

Birth control has side effects but other medications can effect that. Antibiotics can render birth control's function as nonexistent. I'm actually surprised how many pharmacists don't mention this when people pick up their antibiotics--even when asked if the medication could have effect other medication. Really, I am speaking from personal experience. I once asked my pharmacist directly after my consult whether it could interact with my other medications.

He said, "No."

I said, "Um . . . what about my birth control?"

"Oh, well, yeah."

Considering I had just been at an alternative school and taught a class of teenage mothers and heard them discuss how many were pregnant because they didn't realize antibiotics negated birth control, it came as no surprise the local pharmacist was negligent. Though, I have sense learned no pharmacist ever mentions the causation between birth control, antibiotics and pregnancy.

How scent attracts the opposite sex

Have you ever noticed how certain smells effect your mood? For example, the smell of Oregon rain might make one feel refreshed. The smell of baked goods makes one feel cozy and at home. That’s not all smells can do; they can also stimulate the libido!

Recently, studies have shown how spicy smells affect the libido. Dr. Alan Hirsch, author of What Flavor is Your Personality, researcher and founder of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago, has studied the effects of various smells which arouse men and women. Among men, the spicy smell of cinnamon rolls and pumpkin pie ranked as the number one olfactory sexual trigger, increasing sexual stimulation by 40%, measured by penile blood flow.

It would seem that men want women to be made out of sugar and spice and everything nice.

Other scents stimulated men on lower levels, but there weren’t any food scents that sexually repulsed men. Women on the other hand, were aroused by scents like licorice, baby powder, citrus and cucumber, which increased their libido by up to 14%, but smells like charcoal barbeque smoke and cherry scent decreased their arousal by 18 %!

And bad news for men--the smell of cologne also decreased women’s arousal.

The moral of this story is that the best colognes for men and women are baked goods with lots of cinnamon and spices. And in order for you or your house to smell like baked goods, it helps to know how to make them. That in itself can be pretty sexy for attracting women.

Dangerous Aphrodisiacs to Avoid

Often in the past, aphrodisiacs have been rare, expensive and even dangerous items such as Spanish fly, powdered rhino’s horn and tiger testicles. The psychology behind believing such substances were aphrodisiacs may be because they are rare and difficult to obtain. Therefore, one who can acquire them is more powerful and virile. Because specific animals are seen as having strength or sexual superiority by some cultures, the animals are then considered to possess this power in their sexual organs and therefore thought to pass ability on to men who consume these ingredients.

Other infamous aphrodisiacs such as Spanish Fly, Cup of Gold, and belladonna are dangerous. Spanish Fly is actually a beetle that causes urinary tract irritation which one registers as a sexual feeling, but it also causes permanent kidney and genital damage. Cup of Gold is a plant also known as solandra brevicalyx, solanaceae. This Central and South American flower can lead to death through excessive sexual drive. Yow! 

Belladona is another plant in the solanacea, or nightshade family, that can cause a variety of side effects, among them, hallucinations, psychotic behavior, respiratory arrest, convulsions and coma. It is also  easy to buy on the internet and in some herbal shops. I actually was surprised to find a bottle of homeopathic medicine of belladonna in my local health food store in Portland, Oregon. Though, I am sure the dosage is minuscule so that someone doesn’t overdose, I am not going to mention the store that sells it, as there are other herbs far safer and better to use.

So instead of going out there and buying powdered rhino horn (which is an endangered species because people still kill them for their horns which are sold on the black market as aphrodisiacs),or applying black pepper to the genitals as was done a thousand years ago in China, consider if such methods are truly worth it.  Try the safest and most potent natural Viagra’s: yohimbe bark or damiana. You can buy either as herbal tinctures in most health food stores. I have also found damiana alcohol sold in a liquor shop in a bottle in the shape of a woman’s body.

Aphrodisiacs: Miracle Herbs and Common Supplements to Aid in Sexual Function

Aphrodisiacs have been around for thousands of years. Two thousand years ago men applied black pepper to their genitals to cure impotence, men still ingest dangerous substances such as Spanish Fly and belladona, endangered animals are poached in order to be made into aphrodisiacs. When Viagra first came out it was pretty common to hear stories about old men with heart conditions who weren’t supposed to take it, yet they found a way to acquire some and then died. Hopefully happy.

As an alternative to black market aphrodisiacs that kill endangered species—or you, let’s look at some cheap, natural ingredients and supplements. These aphrodisiacs work by aiding in sexual function naturally by making up for the nutrition that the body is lacking.

Nutrient/Vitamin	What it’s found in	Effect
Black pepper	Spicy food	The alkaloid affects the mucous lining of the genitals and stimulates the organs in men.
Caffeine	Coffee, chocolate, energy drinks	The caffeine stimulates the body
Capsaicin	Chili peppers, cayenne pepper, curry, garlic, spicy food	The heat of capsaicin stimulates endorphins and nerve endings when ingested. Also high in Vitamin C and good for circulation.
Chocolate (my favorite drug)	Cocoa, chocolate, candy, etc.	Chocolate has over 30 chemicals that stimulate, relax, release endorphins, serotonin, dopamine, etc.
***Damiana	Herbal supplement, liquor (in a bottle shaped like a woman)	This South American plant contains chemicals that increase sensitivity in the genitals.
Dopamine	Fava beans	Dopamine is a chemical in the brain necessary to increase libido and decrease depression.
Garlic	Common root herb	The heat aids in increasing sexual desires. Also keeps mosquitoes away, so be sure to have some before a romantic or unromantic camping trip.
Ginger	Root/spice found in supermarkets, pumpkin pie, stir-fries, etc.	This spice stimulates the circulatory system and aids digestion.
Ginko	Supplement found in vitamins and herbal stores.	This supplement increases circulation and aids sexual dysfunction, causes the release of nitric oxide, and widens the blood vessels and erectile tissue. Also good for the memory, so you will have the added benefit of remembering your recreational activities.  (Not to be taken by people with heart disease or blood thinning drugs.)
Ginseng	Very common in Korean food and some Japanese food, found in teas, soups, dietary supplements and raw.	This plant usually grown in Korea, relaxes muscles, increases circulation and acts as a hormonal stimulant. (Similar to Viagra.)
Kava kava	Supplement found in the health food store	This Polynesian aphrodisiac aids in relaxation.
L-arginine	Supplement found in the health food store	This amino acid increases the nitric oxide in the blood vessel walls to maintain erection.
Phenylethylamine	Red wine, aged cheese, chocolate	In small amounts, increases arousal, stimulates the senses, and causes relaxation. Too much can cause headaches, fatigue and a lack of sexual desire.
Phytoestrogen	Soy products, cardamom, saffron	A plant chemical that mimics estrogen and helpful for women. This decreases; vaginal dryness, cholesterol, the likelihood of some cancers, and the side effects of menopause such as lowered sex drive.
Chlorogenic acid	Sunflowers	Aiding sexual stimulation.
Tryptophan	Black beans	Amino acid that relaxes.
***Yohimbe Bark (nature’s Viagra)	Must purchase in a healthfood store	It increases circulation, enhances libido, fights depression by releasing serotonin in the brain, relieves impotence caused by stress, fatigue or tension.