Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Viagra and Women: Does it work?


According to the Journal of the American Medical Association in a study reported in February 1999, about 43 % of women and 31 % of men suffer from sexual inadequacy. 

Although erectile dysfunction is considered a medical condition, Harvard Health reports that female sexual dysfunction is not yet considered a medical condition. . . . Interestingly, this dysfunctions occurs 12% more in women. There are now prescription medications for women, though studies show they do no have the same results.  Why is that?

Women's reactions to medications in studies are more difficult to measure. They are qualitative not quantitative. Results can't be measured directly and relies on subjective feedback. A man's response to a drug like Viagra is easy to measure. Additionally, the causes are vastly different. Most Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD) doesn't occur from lack of circulation or lack of testosterone like it does in men, but from psychological, social, economical and other issues that effect a woman's sense of well being. What causes dysfunction in men do not apply to women.

The factors that can effect these qualitative results in studies relate to a women's well being--which is essential to healthy sexual function. Emotional health and personal relationship factors were considered to be the number one factors related to sexual function in women. Certainly there are other factors, but they generally relate to well being: dissatisfaction with a relationship with a partner; health problems, whether physical or mental; economic or social instability, being single; and having less education. 

Dr. John Bancroft, director of the Kinsey Institute speculated in the Archives of Sexual Behavior (Oct. 2002),  the societal suppression and stigma of sexuality in women may be one cause of dysfunction. Additionally, the evolutionary advantage of not wanting to create more offspring than one can raise, may be an evolutionary reason for inhibiting sexual function. Women may be genetically predisposed to experience dysfunction.

Not only are the reasons behind dysfunction different for women, but they physically manifest in different ways from men. They may experience Hypoactive Sexuality Disorder (lack of interest), Sexual Aversion Disorder (phobic avoidance), Orgasmic Disorder (inability or difficulty to orgasm), Sexual Arousal Disorder (inability to obtain or maintain sexual excitement), Vaginismus (involuntary muscle spasms which make it difficult or impossible to enter the vagina),  and Dyspareunia (pain during intercourse). A woman can experience pain during intercourse or not achieve an orgasm, but can still conceive a child. Whereas a man can't without even start without an erection. Is that a clue as to why more research has been done to aid men with reduced sexual function?

In order to be considered affected by sexual dysfunction, women must experience distress over their lack of sexual function. So even if a woman has painful intercourse, it isn't considered a clinical condition unless she cares or reports she cares. Interestingly, we don't have this same standard for men. If they experience a lack of erection, it is considered erectile dysfunction. Researcher since the 1999 Journal of American Medical Associate Study have questioned whether women were actually asked if they experienced distress. Though, even if they were, this do not address this double standard.

If there are 12% more women reported in studies who feel distress about sexual dysfunction than men, it would be interesting to know how many additional women versus men experience experience sexual dysfunction who do not care or expressed satisfaction with their sex life despite experiencing a condition such as Vaginismus. My guess is the rate of women experiencing FSD would go up.


Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Out of order: 30 million American men battling erectile dysfunction



30 million American men battling erectile dysfunction: Is Viagra the only answer?


According to the Journal of the American Medical Association in a study reported in February 1999, about 43 % of women and 31 % of men suffer from sexual inadequacy.  The kinds of impotence in men ranges from low libido, delayed or inability to orgasm, premature ejaculation, physical defects or abnormalities, and other sexual problems such as erectile dysfunction. The latter term specifically refers to not being able to achieve or maintain an erection hard enough for sexual intercourse 50 % of the time. Thirty million American men suffer from erectile dysfunction. Is it really so surprising that drugs such as Viagra, Levitra and Cialis are so popular?

But are these drugs really the answer when the side effects may include headache, flushing, runny nose, visual problems, heart attacks, and interfere with many prescriptions--including heart medications?

There are plenty of people who believe so, otherwise it wouldn't be such a booming industry, some elderly men wouldn't be lying about heart conditions in order to obtain these drugs, and these prescriptions wouldn't have become so easily accessible to purchase through the internet. There are now prescription medications for women, though studies show they do no have the same results. Although erectile dysfunction is considered a medical condition, Harvard Health reports that female sexual dysfunction is not yet considered a medical condition. . . . Interestingly, this dysfunctions occurs 10% more in women.

So what are the alternatives? The cause of the sexual dysfunction will effect the cure. Viagra, Levitra and Cialis primarily aid in blood flow and circulation. Natural remedies that increase blood flow might include: damiana, yohimbe bark, capsaicin (chili peppers and other spicy foods), ginger and regular exercise. If the problem is libido, Viagra and other drugs that stimulate circulation will not help. In those cases, medications that promote dopamine and serotonin are key. Natural mood stimulants include chocolate, small amounts of wine, fava beans and black beans.




Wednesday, April 17, 2013

How to hook a girl: writing a good personal ad



How do you write a good personal ad? Below is a list of things to include in a personal ad to catch a woman’s eye. Many have good examples taken from Portland Craigslist personal ads that men wrote looking for women.

Start with an interesting title. Think of a good hook that describes you, your personality or interests or something women might like. If you start you ad with something like, “I enjoyed reading Pride and Prejudice” or title your ad “Prince Charming looking for Princess,” it will appeal to a woman's romantic side and they will keep reading. At least a certain demographic of women will. On the other hand, if you didn’t actually enjoy reading Pride and Prejudice, then that plan isn’t going to work. Certainly the ad titled, “Does your unborn baby need a father?” was an odd, if not eye-catching ad.

Talk about what you want in a polite and tactful way. Focus on the positive, not on all the things you don’t want. Here are two well-worded examples:
“I am honest and drama free and would want the same in return.”
“I am also physically fit and looking for the same.”

Describe your interests.

Let your personality show in your word choice and how you phrase things. It is okay to be quirky and memorable.
“I'm completely ready for a life-long rapturous romance, friendship, play and a partner to ride the river of life with. Deep and heart-felt conversation is a must for me, because I believe it's the backbone to true intimacy.”

Use humor. A hilarious ad had this list:
Employed? Yes
Car? Yes
House? Yes
Funny? Abso-F'n-Lutly
Kids? No
Psyco-x's? Nope! All my stalkers are in the past! Currently taking applications for future psycho-x's. ;)
Goals? Yes
Adventurous? You have no idea! I've actually considered changing my middle name to "Adventure".
Attractive? Yes. I'm not Taylor Lautner, but chances are you aren't Megan Fox. LOL

Be sweet. If it fits your romantic personality to say all the ways you would like to spoil the woman you love like giving her foot massages, making chicken soup for her when she has a cold and snuggling, and other sweet gestures, that will make her heart melt. But again, make sure these are things you actually enjoy.

Be honest (especially about your age). And if you are in an open relationship and seeing other people.

Include an accurate photo of yourself. Here are some tactful, non-demanding ways to ask for a photo:
“I can provide a photo upon exchange with you.”
“If I sound like someone you'd want to talk to, email me and tell me about yourself. Pictures are a plus, but really just tell me about you (age, height, that type of stuff).”

Use a spell check and grammar check. It makes you appear intelligent and well-educated. And not lazy. It shows you want to make a good impression.

Be concise and succinct in what you say. Many online ads don’t have the limits newspapers do, but still be aware of how much you are saying and the quality of the information. Anything more than a page might be too long and anything under a paragraph will be too short.

Be sincere. There is no point in saying you want to be a girl’s Romeo if you hate Shakespeare and won't be able to explain why you said that later.

For a humorous look on how to make women run, screaming away from your personal ad, wait for next months's post.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

How to write a HORRIBLE personal ad



When someone is shopping, an advertisement is supposed to represent the merchandize and show it off in its best light, making someone want to buy it. This is the premise of good marketing: knowing your target audience and hooking them with what they want. It is the same with personal ads: you are showing yourself off to your best advantage, and making yourself appear as attractive and intelligent as possible. Because the reader doesn’t know you, hasn’t heard of you, and can’t talk with you (yet), it is one way for someone to see your ad and be drawn to you by what you say.


On the other hand, it might be an opportunity for the target audience to see how horrible someone is by what they say. (Not you, of course.) It only takes one distasteful comment or one thoughtless remark to make people navigate away. (And you wouldn’t believe how many post poorly written personal ads.) But maybe you just aren’t good at writing or making yourself come across as attractive in writing.

Here are a couple examples from poorly written personal ads on the Portland Craigslist in January. Listed after each quote is the reason why a woman might be turned off by the sentence or wording.

“I have lived a life from perfect and have never cheated on anybody before ending the relationship my word and I am proud of this.” (Odd commentary, also poor grammar.)

“I am very Family orented and do not want to let my family down.” (Poor grammar and poor spelling. Not to mention an odd thing to share.)

“Do you enjoy being passionately kissed while being fingered and having your. . . .” (What kind of woman do you expect to answer this ad?)

“Would you like an oral exam?” (Is sex the only thing you care about?)

“If you are an honest Person plz have pic with you holding something with the date on it.” (Obsessive, paranoid, psycho?)

“At the moment I'm around 3 weeks from literally living in my car on the streets.” (Sad, pathetic and the girls are running away as fast as possible.)

“NO over weight people. Thanks.” (Rude. And subjective. What does overweight really mean in our culture? It will have most women obsessing over their self image—and hating you—even if they are thin.)

“no pic no responce.” (Demanding. Oh yeah, and can’t spell or is too lazy to run a spell check.)

“I like My women to be in shape” (Misogynist who probably also wants his woman barefoot and pregnant.”

“I have a saggy-boob fetish.” (Whoa, not only is that weird but if you decide I’m attractive to you, I will be afraid to go out in public until I buy more supportive bras.)

Here are some things sure to turn off most women:

Demanding that a woman must send a photo.
Insisting she send a photo, but not having one posted of yourself first.
Posting a photo of an anime character, your cat or a sunset.
Coming across as conceited by posting photographs of your muscles.
Please, no pictures of your penis.
Saying what you don’t want instead of saying what you do want.
Being negative and talking about the past, like about an ex and how you have been used.
Writing five sentences or less about yourself.
Writing five pages or more about yourself.
Not using a spell check.
Not consistently capitalizing the beginnings of sentences, capitalizing random words, or a lack of punctuation.
Being too forward and describing sexual things you want to do to a woman that she would rather hear after she has gotten to know you—if at all.
Saying you don’t want fat women to reply to your ad. (Besides the fact that you are focusing on the negative and not saying what you do want, it is insulting and not tactfully put. Ladies will be less likely to respond to the ad even if they feel comfortable with their weight because they don’t want someone who is a jerk who might make them feel fat.)
Being dishonest about your age such as by saying you are in your forties but are forty-nine and about to turn fifty.
Behaving as if you are desperate (even if you are), wanting someone to text you the night you post the ad.
Omitting your age.
Focusing/obsessing for sentences (or paragraphs!) on the annoyances of spambots and emphasis on real people. One politely worded sentence will do.

For more information on how to successfully hook a girl with a good personal ad, see next month's article.

Racy Thought of the Day

Lady Chatterley came across advice for ladies on a "researched" method for a woman to get a man to pay attention and listen to her from a website called Blue Pill. The suggestion was for a woman to take off her blouse and corset in order to make him listen to what she had to say. Despite one's doubts in this method, Lady Chatterley decided to put this to the test. Though with one addition: She wrote on her bosom in magic marker: I am breaking up with you.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Where to look for love BEFORE Valentine’s Day

Many single people wait until February before they start looking for a date. And, of course, because they’re in such a desperate, crabby, why-doesn’t-anyone-love-me mood, they are unsuccessful in getting a date and instead binge on a bag full of chocolate. Not that Lady Chatterley has ever been one of these people.

So, how are you going to avoid this predicament? Start looking early!

Places to find love
Forget bars! If you want to find someone intelligent, classy, and who might share the same interests as you, try these alternative places.

Book clubs: Looking for nerd love? All you have to do is an internet search for “book clubs” in your local area. Barnes and Nobles has groups. For those in Portland, the book mecca of Powell’s Books has three different locations in the Portland area and their calendar is packed with authors, events and book groups. And if you are a guy and really want to go someplace filled with women, check out the Cheeky Pages romance book group. (Though they also have mystery, science fiction and other genres.)
http://www.powells.com/calendar.html

Romance Writers of America: There are over 30 local chapters. The Portland chapter, Rose City Romance Writers has a membership of over 100 people, mostly women. Those are pretty good odds for the guys. At least for guys who enjoy supporting romance writing.

Dancing: Women love men who can dance and what better place to go than someplace that teaches dance? And for the men, there are almost always more women at places that teach dance or host open dance so you are in high demand.
For a complete list of dance events going on in Portland go to Portland Dancing.

Meet Up: This group is a way to connect and meet other people with similar interests. For example, on the Meet Up website, there are categories such as arts and entertainment, sports and recreation, heath and support as well as many others. In Portland, there are tarot card groups, ASL practice groups, outdoors groups and others. To find people with similar interests in your city, check it out.

Outdoors Clubs: If you enjoy the outdoors, organizations such as the Trails Club of Oregon, or Mazamas a Portland hiking, rock climbing, skiing club might be right for you. There also is the Willamette Sailing Club, and Bergreunde Mountain Friends, an outdoor, sports and social club.

Singles Clubs: Events and Adventures is a singles club for people in Oregon and SW Washington.

LoveTribe: A different way to connect with people: There is an organization called LoveTribe, all about bringing people together and helping them connect in nontraditional ways to create a feeling of community with parties like snuggle parties and game nights. Their events are edgy, not a dating service, and certainly not right for all people, but something different to try. LoveTribe started in Portland and has branched out to many other cities.

Online dating: Let say you don’t read books, can’t dance, don’t like the outdoors, and have no hobbies, so none of those social clubs seem right to you. When you have tried everything else, or you don’t have any time (or money) to attend a social club, there is always the internet. Craigslist is free and always has local personal ads. I know two different middle school teachers who met their husbands through online personal ads, one with Eharmony and the other with Match.com. And neither woman is afraid to tell people that’s how she met her husband. Craigslist and Okcupid are free. As a result, there is also a higher rate of unemployed people without cars and cell phones. On the plus side, Okcupid is said to cater to a younger, nerdier crowd. Plenty of Fish and Christian Singles are other dating sites. And there are many more out there.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

One in three high school students have been in an abusive relationship




According to the ACADV (Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence), one out of three high school students have been in, or will be in, an abusive relationship. This number seems so high it is difficult to believe. Yet the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence reports statistics that are just as shocking: In Oregon, one in ten women experience intimate partner violence. The highest rate of intimate partner violence occurs in women between the ages of 21-24.

Why?
Possible reasons ACADV suggests so many young women are involved in abusive relationships might be because women see other examples of violence and abuse in relationships and think it is normal, consider their boyfriend’s jealousy and anger is romantic, they internalize their problems and blame themselves, feel they have to solve their problems themselves, and are afraid to ask for help. Overall, teenagers are inexperienced in relationships, are confused about what romance means, and succumb to peer pressure more than an adult might. Because youths desire independence from their parents, and are less likely to confide in them and ask for help, many parents aren’t aware of the situations their children may be in.


Dating Bill of Rights

I have a right to: 
Ask for a date

Refuse a date

Suggest activities

Refuse any activities, even if my date is excited about them

Have my own feelings and be able to express them

Say, "I think my friend is wrong and his actions are inappropriate"

Tell someone not to interrupt me

Have my limits and values respected

Tell my partner when I need affection

Refuse affection

Be heard

Refuse to lend money

Refuse sex any time, for any reason

Have friends and space aside from my partner

I have the responsibility to:
Determine my limits and values
Respect the limits of others
Communicate clearly and honestly
Not violate the limits of others
Ask for help when I need it
Be considerate
Check my actions and decisions to determine whether they are good or bad for me
Set high goals for myself

Provided by the Domestic Violence Advocacy Program of Family Resources, Inc.