Saturday, April 7, 2012

Shall I Compare Thee to a Golden Retriever?

Shall I Compare Thee to a Golden Retriever?

Lady Chatterley thinks not. I once suffered the indignation of being compared to a professor's pet in likeness, in attempt to remember my name.

"Oh, how lustrous and golden your hair is, just like my pet who shares your namesake," said he. "Whenever I see your face, I will think of my dog and will remember your name forever."

Joy. I wonder if he associated the smell of hot, dog breathe and drool with my aspect as well, not to mention piddles on Persian carpets.

One would think such a name as Lady Chatterley would be burned into his brain. One also would think, this gentleman should have learned early on in life the rudeness of comparing a lady to a dog. But truly, that is not the worst of socially inept remarks made by unassuming men.

A man who sat next to me at the theatre once commented when I rose from my chair, "My, I had no idea how short you are! How tall are you?" Possibly upon seeing the shocked indignation on my visage, he amended his statement in an attempt at a half-hearted apology. "You probably tire of hearing such a question. You must be asked that all the time."

"Not at all," I said, my wit coming in a speed that surprised even I. "I am rarely asked such personal questions . . . except by children. And very rude adults."

Dearest reader, never have I so enjoyed humiliating another. Rude, yes, I was. But it was ever so satisfying to speak one's mind as freely as one might in, well, a romance novel. Surely I am not alone. There must be others on this interweb who have relished in a miracle of wit that came from the muse of indignation. If so, I invite you to share your experiences here.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Racy Thought of the Day

A noble lady can converse in the virtual chat parlor at her Personal Contraption (PC) in her undergarments--or less if she desires--without anyone else on the interweb having knowledge of her attire, or lack of. Unless, of course, she has forgotten to turn off her chatcamera. Ahem. Oh my!