Wednesday, April 17, 2013

How to hook a girl: writing a good personal ad

How do you write a good personal ad? Below is a list of things to include in a personal ad to catch a woman’s eye. Many have good examples taken from Portland Craigslist personal ads that men wrote looking for women.

Start with an interesting title. Think of a good hook that describes you, your personality or interests or something women might like. If you start you ad with something like, “I enjoyed reading Pride and Prejudice” or title your ad “Prince Charming looking for Princess,” it will appeal to a woman's romantic side and they will keep reading. At least a certain demographic of women will. On the other hand, if you didn’t actually enjoy reading Pride and Prejudice, then that plan isn’t going to work. Certainly the ad titled, “Does your unborn baby need a father?” was an odd, if not eye-catching ad.

Talk about what you want in a polite and tactful way. Focus on the positive, not on all the things you don’t want. Here are two well-worded examples:
“I am honest and drama free and would want the same in return.”
“I am also physically fit and looking for the same.”

Describe your interests.

Let your personality show in your word choice and how you phrase things. It is okay to be quirky and memorable.
“I'm completely ready for a life-long rapturous romance, friendship, play and a partner to ride the river of life with. Deep and heart-felt conversation is a must for me, because I believe it's the backbone to true intimacy.”

Use humor. A hilarious ad had this list:
Employed? Yes
Car? Yes
House? Yes
Funny? Abso-F'n-Lutly
Kids? No
Psyco-x's? Nope! All my stalkers are in the past! Currently taking applications for future psycho-x's. ;)
Goals? Yes
Adventurous? You have no idea! I've actually considered changing my middle name to "Adventure".
Attractive? Yes. I'm not Taylor Lautner, but chances are you aren't Megan Fox. LOL

Be sweet. If it fits your romantic personality to say all the ways you would like to spoil the woman you love like giving her foot massages, making chicken soup for her when she has a cold and snuggling, and other sweet gestures, that will make her heart melt. But again, make sure these are things you actually enjoy.

Be honest (especially about your age). And if you are in an open relationship and seeing other people.

Include an accurate photo of yourself. Here are some tactful, non-demanding ways to ask for a photo:
“I can provide a photo upon exchange with you.”
“If I sound like someone you'd want to talk to, email me and tell me about yourself. Pictures are a plus, but really just tell me about you (age, height, that type of stuff).”

Use a spell check and grammar check. It makes you appear intelligent and well-educated. And not lazy. It shows you want to make a good impression.

Be concise and succinct in what you say. Many online ads don’t have the limits newspapers do, but still be aware of how much you are saying and the quality of the information. Anything more than a page might be too long and anything under a paragraph will be too short.

Be sincere. There is no point in saying you want to be a girl’s Romeo if you hate Shakespeare and won't be able to explain why you said that later.

For a humorous look on how to make women run, screaming away from your personal ad, wait for next months's post.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

How to write a HORRIBLE personal ad

When someone is shopping, an advertisement is supposed to represent the merchandize and show it off in its best light, making someone want to buy it. This is the premise of good marketing: knowing your target audience and hooking them with what they want. It is the same with personal ads: you are showing yourself off to your best advantage, and making yourself appear as attractive and intelligent as possible. Because the reader doesn’t know you, hasn’t heard of you, and can’t talk with you (yet), it is one way for someone to see your ad and be drawn to you by what you say.

On the other hand, it might be an opportunity for the target audience to see how horrible someone is by what they say. (Not you, of course.) It only takes one distasteful comment or one thoughtless remark to make people navigate away. (And you wouldn’t believe how many post poorly written personal ads.) But maybe you just aren’t good at writing or making yourself come across as attractive in writing.

Here are a couple examples from poorly written personal ads on the Portland Craigslist in January. Listed after each quote is the reason why a woman might be turned off by the sentence or wording.

“I have lived a life from perfect and have never cheated on anybody before ending the relationship my word and I am proud of this.” (Odd commentary, also poor grammar.)

“I am very Family orented and do not want to let my family down.” (Poor grammar and poor spelling. Not to mention an odd thing to share.)

“Do you enjoy being passionately kissed while being fingered and having your. . . .” (What kind of woman do you expect to answer this ad?)

“Would you like an oral exam?” (Is sex the only thing you care about?)

“If you are an honest Person plz have pic with you holding something with the date on it.” (Obsessive, paranoid, psycho?)

“At the moment I'm around 3 weeks from literally living in my car on the streets.” (Sad, pathetic and the girls are running away as fast as possible.)

“NO over weight people. Thanks.” (Rude. And subjective. What does overweight really mean in our culture? It will have most women obsessing over their self image—and hating you—even if they are thin.)

“no pic no responce.” (Demanding. Oh yeah, and can’t spell or is too lazy to run a spell check.)

“I like My women to be in shape” (Misogynist who probably also wants his woman barefoot and pregnant.”

“I have a saggy-boob fetish.” (Whoa, not only is that weird but if you decide I’m attractive to you, I will be afraid to go out in public until I buy more supportive bras.)

Here are some things sure to turn off most women:

Demanding that a woman must send a photo.
Insisting she send a photo, but not having one posted of yourself first.
Posting a photo of an anime character, your cat or a sunset.
Coming across as conceited by posting photographs of your muscles.
Please, no pictures of your penis.
Saying what you don’t want instead of saying what you do want.
Being negative and talking about the past, like about an ex and how you have been used.
Writing five sentences or less about yourself.
Writing five pages or more about yourself.
Not using a spell check.
Not consistently capitalizing the beginnings of sentences, capitalizing random words, or a lack of punctuation.
Being too forward and describing sexual things you want to do to a woman that she would rather hear after she has gotten to know you—if at all.
Saying you don’t want fat women to reply to your ad. (Besides the fact that you are focusing on the negative and not saying what you do want, it is insulting and not tactfully put. Ladies will be less likely to respond to the ad even if they feel comfortable with their weight because they don’t want someone who is a jerk who might make them feel fat.)
Being dishonest about your age such as by saying you are in your forties but are forty-nine and about to turn fifty.
Behaving as if you are desperate (even if you are), wanting someone to text you the night you post the ad.
Omitting your age.
Focusing/obsessing for sentences (or paragraphs!) on the annoyances of spambots and emphasis on real people. One politely worded sentence will do.

For more information on how to successfully hook a girl with a good personal ad, see next month's article.

Racy Thought of the Day

Lady Chatterley came across advice for ladies on a "researched" method for a woman to get a man to pay attention and listen to her from a website called Blue Pill. The suggestion was for a woman to take off her blouse and corset in order to make him listen to what she had to say. Despite one's doubts in this method, Lady Chatterley decided to put this to the test. Though with one addition: She wrote on her bosom in magic marker: I am breaking up with you.