You know it’s time to pack your trunks into the dirigible
and move if. . . .
1. The feral neighborhood children are still playing outside
at 11 pm on a school night.
2. The person in the flat next to you has decided she is
going to be on British Idol and practices for hours each day . . . only she
can’t carry a tune.
3. Your downstairs neighbor chain smokes so much that the
fumes billow out of the steam powered generator, cracks in the walls, and from
under the water closet.
4. Despite your incredible cleanliness and the amount of ant
bait set out, the kitchen is experiencing the third invasion of ants in the
last six months.
5. Your pot-smoking neighbor accuses you of calling the
police on her. The police supposedly told her you were the one who complained .
. . even though you weren’t home that night.
6. The landlord refuses to replace your new icebox because
he insists it is works fine, even though everything has de-thawed and is room
temperature.
7. One of your evil students sees you walking up to your
apartment and now knows where you live.
8. You can hear your downstairs neighbor’s screamo band
playing through the walls . . . even when you walk across the street to the
rubbish bin.
9. The reason you moved into the shitty apartment, the
washer and dryer in the apartment, no longer clean clothes.
10. The dirty, old man neighbor asks you on a date . . . to
a strip club.
11. Your neighbors loudly having sex drowns out the sound of you having sex.
11. Your neighbors loudly having sex drowns out the sound of you having sex.
