Monday, October 22, 2012

How Do You Know it’s Time to Move?

You know it’s time to pack your trunks into the dirigible and move if. . . .

1. The feral neighborhood children are still playing outside at 11 pm on a school night.
2. The person in the flat next to you has decided she is going to be on British Idol and practices for hours each day . . . only she can’t carry a tune.
3. Your downstairs neighbor chain smokes so much that the fumes billow out of the steam powered generator, cracks in the walls, and from under the water closet.
4. Despite your incredible cleanliness and the amount of ant bait set out, the kitchen is experiencing the third invasion of ants in the last six months.
5. Your pot-smoking neighbor accuses you of calling the police on her. The police supposedly told her you were the one who complained . . . even though you weren’t home that night.
6. The landlord refuses to replace your new icebox because he insists it is works fine, even though everything has de-thawed and is room temperature.
7. One of your evil students sees you walking up to your apartment and now knows where you live.
8. You can hear your downstairs neighbor’s screamo band playing through the walls . . . even when you walk across the street to the rubbish bin.
9. The reason you moved into the shitty apartment, the washer and dryer in the apartment, no longer clean clothes.
10. The dirty, old man neighbor asks you on a date . . . to a strip club.
11. Your neighbors loudly having sex drowns out the sound of you having sex.

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