1. The “gentleman” who twitched the entire time and probably
was pinching snuff.
2. The one who arrived to tea at noon reeking of alcohol.
3. The country gentleman who arrived fifteen minutes late
smelling of onion breath. (Because Lady Chatterley felt bad for him, she went
on a second date in which he arrived an hour late because he had no carriage
and was unable to instant telegram because he had no portable personal
contraption).
4. The amateur writer who brought his writing even though
she requested him not to, subjected her to reading it, and therein exposed himself
to her infamous red pen.
5. The poet who brought his love poetry to their first
courtship. Ahem, he also was the gentleman who twitched.
6. The man who admitted he cheated on his first wife because
EVERYONE cheats, he claimed. (Alright, so Lady Chatterley of the novel isn’t
exactly a stranger in that arena. Still, this was real life.)
7. The gentleman who admitted within the first ten minutes
of conversation that his mother lost her job as a state nurse for seducing an
inmate.
8. The man she couldn’t tell whether she had anything in
common with because she did not speak Japanese. . . .He didn’t speak English.
9. The man who didn’t show up. And never returned her
instant telegrams or post, or offered any explanation why he didn’t show up.
10. The knave who brought his friend along uninvited.
11. The geezer who lied about his age. He’d said he was in
his forties when he was in reality fifty. Being a lawyer, he insisted he was
within the realm of fact, as he’d made the claim when he was forty-nine—several
weeks before. (Yes, she should have
spotted the silver roots against the black dyed hair but the dim candlelight of
the ball where she’d met him had camouflaged wrinkles and gray hair until she
met him again for tea.)
12. The man who lied and said he was divorced, but was only separated—and
had been for a month.
13. The one who insisted on escorting Lady Chatterley to her
carriage and tried to kiss her even though she’d warned him earlier she would
not kiss a man on the first date.
Obviously, she had more than ten dreadful dates to speak of.
Please feel free to leave your stories here.
