Tuesday, February 25, 2014

How to Impress Ladies: Aptitude for Sexiness

Recently, a friend recommended Anthol Kay's blog Married Man Sex Life. His approach is to combine a variety of relationship advice from "evolutionary psychology, Pickup Artist “Game”, sociology, biology, life experience, romance novels, crappy women’s magazines, far too many books, blogging, behavior modification and cheap porn." As such, you can imagine a slight player approach to getting his results-- namely how to increase sex in a married man's life. His basic plan trains men to become alpha males (becoming sexually attractive for a woman) while maintaining beta qualities that make a woman want to stay with a man. According to Kay, Alpha qualities are characteristics like being rich, ambitious, handsome, assertive, protective, funny, riding a motorcycle, being good at something like dancing, music or having other talents. Beta qualities would be making a wife chicken soup when she is sick, picking up her dry cleaning and helping with dishes. Men who tend to be natural Betas are more likely to be willing to learn to be Alpha to please a mate. Natural Alphas pretty much do what they want. They are less likely to possess a willingness to learn new skills.

According to Roy Huggins, graduate of Portland State University with a master’s degree in psychology and current counselor, “Aptitude is generally attractive, especially for women (for men, too. It's just that men are also heavily influenced by boobs, etc.) Aptitude in something that the viewer thinks is important and is especially attractive. Most people don't get turned on by an effective chess player -- unless they're really into chess. But some things feel important to pretty much all people. I recall that in the late 90s, when American society started to realize that technical aptitude was extremely valuable for financial success, geeky guys (who possess a certain minimum of social skill) suddenly had a much easier time getting dates. Also, in communities centered around an activity (i.e. co-ed clubs or studios/schools where people study things like dance and martial arts) the most expert members tend to attract romantic attention from their peers. Quite often these people are men, but not always.

Summarizing this, having skills is attractive. Whether you hangout with a bunch of bowlers or are in an art community, and you are able to show off your skills in such a way that they flatter you, you are more likely to attract someone. As such, one might reason that the more abilities or aptitudes one has and the better one can perform them, the more likely he/she has in attracting a mate . . . or date. And these are especially important if you are a man. So keep that in mind, gentlemen.

Take a moment to think about the skills, talents and abilities you excel in. Are you showing them off? I don't mean brag about them. Are you actually singing in public, karaoke, in a choir if you are a singer? If you know how to tango dance, do you attend milongas and drop in classes? Do you meet up with, network or mentor other professionals in your field? When you write a personal ad, do you mention things you are good at? (Listing sleeping, eating and playing video games are not going to impress anyone.) 

If you don't think you are good at anything, you need to ask someone you know. Or maybe you need to develop an aptitude in something.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Valentine’s Day Depression Cure

Okay, it isn’t exactly a little known fact that Valentine’s Day is a holiday for women. Well, married women and women with boyfriends or girlfriends. Except in Japan. Men get showered with gifts of chocolate! There is a separate holiday to give gifts to women. When I lived in Japan, woman complained they gave far more chocolate away than they received.

That still doesn’t solve the problems of being alone on what is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year. To temporarily alleviate this problem, consider indulging is a little chocolate.  Besides being an aphrodisiac, chocolate has many chemicals and endorphins that cause you to feel good . . . even when your life otherwise sucks.

So, throw a party, invite friends over to watch (and possibly make fun of) a corny romantic movie, build up your nerve to ask someone out on a date, go out on a “date” with a friend. But no matter what, include chocolate in your plans. Or any other comfort food that will make you feel good and conquer the Valentine's Day Depression. 

On Valentine's Day,  prior to this day, or even after this day, is a good time for creating a personal ad. It is my personal and unofficial observation that there is an increased presence and use in personal ads in January and February. 

If you are looking for a long term solution to this problem, consider reading post for that comes out later this month: Aptitude for Sexiness and next month's Manifesting Your Mojo. That way, next year you will have a date when the big V-Day rolls around.