Tuesday, March 25, 2014

How to recognize signs that someone is a narcissist

Dating a Narcissist is not fun. They make you feel important in the beginning, but end up being an emotional vampire in the end who is full of drama, temper tantrums and takes advantage of you. You might not even know you've dated a narcissist. Although there certainly is a range and spectrum of narcissism, clinical Narcissistic Personality Disorder affects 1% of the population. According to a study by Twenge and Campbell in 2009, the rate of NPD his more than doubled in ten years. There are ways to recognize signs that someone is a narcissist.

According to the Mayoclinic.com, these are traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
  • Believing that you're better than others
  • Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
  • Exaggerating your achievements or talents
  • Expecting constant praise and admiration
  • Believing that you're special and acting accordingly
  • Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
  • Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
  • Taking advantage of others
  • Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
  • Being jealous of others
  • Believing that others are jealous of you
  • Trouble keeping healthy relationships
  • Setting unrealistic goals
  • Being easily hurt and rejected
  • Having a fragile self-esteem
  • Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional
A person with NPD exhibits unrealistic self-confidence while expecting others to agree with or bend to his or her expectations and schedule, often bursting into a temper if they don’t get their way.

So what does this look like in real life?
Real examples of phrases that demonstrate narcissistic tendencies can be easily found in Portland Craigslist personal ads. Here are examples of phrases that serve as red flags for narcissistic traits (whether these men are narcissists is unknown, but they advertise themselves in what isn’t their best light):

“In a city this size there must be one woman who has a soul coupled with an interest in getting to know me.”

"Hot SWM Looking for Hot date"

"Handsome business exec looking for you to show me a good time"

Notice how these ads brag about qualities and/or expect someone to entertain them or be good enough for them? These are people to avoid. I wanted to list some ads that women posted but after skimming a hundred of them, I couldn't find any. Not that I think women can't be narcissists, but maybe women don't present themselves that way in writing. If anyone has examples of female narcissistic headers in personal ads, feel free to post them.

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