The Oops Child: Birth Control, Pregnancy, and Antibiotics

Birth control has side effects but other medications can effect that. Antibiotics can render birth control's function as nonexistent. I'm actually surprised how many pharmacists don't mention this when people pick up their antibiotics--even when asked if the medication could have effect other medication. Really, I am speaking from personal experience. I once asked my pharmacist directly after my consult whether it could interact with my other medications.

He said, "No."

I said, "Um . . . what about my birth control?"

"Oh, well, yeah."

Considering I had just been at an alternative school and taught a class of teenage mothers and heard them discuss how many were pregnant because they didn't realize antibiotics negated birth control, it came as no surprise the local pharmacist was negligent. Though, I have sense learned no pharmacist ever mentions the causation between birth control, antibiotics and pregnancy.

How scent attracts the opposite sex

Have you ever noticed how certain smells effect your mood? For example, the smell of Oregon rain might make one feel refreshed. The smell of baked goods makes one feel cozy and at home. That’s not all smells can do; they can also stimulate the libido!

Recently, studies have shown how spicy smells affect the libido. Dr. Alan Hirsch, author of What Flavor is Your Personality, researcher and founder of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago, has studied the effects of various smells which arouse men and women. Among men, the spicy smell of cinnamon rolls and pumpkin pie ranked as the number one olfactory sexual trigger, increasing sexual stimulation by 40%, measured by penile blood flow.

It would seem that men want women to be made out of sugar and spice and everything nice.

Other scents stimulated men on lower levels, but there weren’t any food scents that sexually repulsed men. Women on the other hand, were aroused by scents like licorice, baby powder, citrus and cucumber, which increased their libido by up to 14%, but smells like charcoal barbeque smoke and cherry scent decreased their arousal by 18 %!

And bad news for men--the smell of cologne also decreased women’s arousal.

The moral of this story is that the best colognes for men and women are baked goods with lots of cinnamon and spices. And in order for you or your house to smell like baked goods, it helps to know how to make them. That in itself can be pretty sexy for attracting women.

Dangerous Aphrodisiacs to Avoid

Often in the past, aphrodisiacs have been rare, expensive and even dangerous items such as Spanish fly, powdered rhino’s horn and tiger testicles. The psychology behind believing such substances were aphrodisiacs may be because they are rare and difficult to obtain. Therefore, one who can acquire them is more powerful and virile. Because specific animals are seen as having strength or sexual superiority by some cultures, the animals are then considered to possess this power in their sexual organs and therefore thought to pass ability on to men who consume these ingredients.

Other infamous aphrodisiacs such as Spanish Fly, Cup of Gold, and belladonna are dangerous. Spanish Fly is actually a beetle that causes urinary tract irritation which one registers as a sexual feeling, but it also causes permanent kidney and genital damage. Cup of Gold is a plant also known as solandra brevicalyx, solanaceae. This Central and South American flower can lead to death through excessive sexual drive. Yow! 

Belladona is another plant in the solanacea, or nightshade family, that can cause a variety of side effects, among them, hallucinations, psychotic behavior, respiratory arrest, convulsions and coma. It is also  easy to buy on the internet and in some herbal shops. I actually was surprised to find a bottle of homeopathic medicine of belladonna in my local health food store in Portland, Oregon. Though, I am sure the dosage is minuscule so that someone doesn’t overdose, I am not going to mention the store that sells it, as there are other herbs far safer and better to use.

So instead of going out there and buying powdered rhino horn (which is an endangered species because people still kill them for their horns which are sold on the black market as aphrodisiacs),or applying black pepper to the genitals as was done a thousand years ago in China, consider if such methods are truly worth it.  Try the safest and most potent natural Viagra’s: yohimbe bark or damiana. You can buy either as herbal tinctures in most health food stores. I have also found damiana alcohol sold in a liquor shop in a bottle in the shape of a woman’s body.

Aphrodisiacs: Miracle Herbs and Common Supplements to Aid in Sexual Function

Aphrodisiacs have been around for thousands of years. Two thousand years ago men applied black pepper to their genitals to cure impotence, men still ingest dangerous substances such as Spanish Fly and belladona, endangered animals are poached in order to be made into aphrodisiacs. When Viagra first came out it was pretty common to hear stories about old men with heart conditions who weren’t supposed to take it, yet they found a way to acquire some and then died. Hopefully happy.

As an alternative to black market aphrodisiacs that kill endangered species—or you, let’s look at some cheap, natural ingredients and supplements. These aphrodisiacs work by aiding in sexual function naturally by making up for the nutrition that the body is lacking.

Nutrient/Vitamin	What it’s found in	Effect
Black pepper	Spicy food	The alkaloid affects the mucous lining of the genitals and stimulates the organs in men.
Caffeine	Coffee, chocolate, energy drinks	The caffeine stimulates the body
Capsaicin	Chili peppers, cayenne pepper, curry, garlic, spicy food	The heat of capsaicin stimulates endorphins and nerve endings when ingested. Also high in Vitamin C and good for circulation.
Chocolate (my favorite drug)	Cocoa, chocolate, candy, etc.	Chocolate has over 30 chemicals that stimulate, relax, release endorphins, serotonin, dopamine, etc.
***Damiana	Herbal supplement, liquor (in a bottle shaped like a woman)	This South American plant contains chemicals that increase sensitivity in the genitals.
Dopamine	Fava beans	Dopamine is a chemical in the brain necessary to increase libido and decrease depression.
Garlic	Common root herb	The heat aids in increasing sexual desires. Also keeps mosquitoes away, so be sure to have some before a romantic or unromantic camping trip.
Ginger	Root/spice found in supermarkets, pumpkin pie, stir-fries, etc.	This spice stimulates the circulatory system and aids digestion.
Ginko	Supplement found in vitamins and herbal stores.	This supplement increases circulation and aids sexual dysfunction, causes the release of nitric oxide, and widens the blood vessels and erectile tissue. Also good for the memory, so you will have the added benefit of remembering your recreational activities.  (Not to be taken by people with heart disease or blood thinning drugs.)
Ginseng	Very common in Korean food and some Japanese food, found in teas, soups, dietary supplements and raw.	This plant usually grown in Korea, relaxes muscles, increases circulation and acts as a hormonal stimulant. (Similar to Viagra.)
Kava kava	Supplement found in the health food store	This Polynesian aphrodisiac aids in relaxation.
L-arginine	Supplement found in the health food store	This amino acid increases the nitric oxide in the blood vessel walls to maintain erection.
Phenylethylamine	Red wine, aged cheese, chocolate	In small amounts, increases arousal, stimulates the senses, and causes relaxation. Too much can cause headaches, fatigue and a lack of sexual desire.
Phytoestrogen	Soy products, cardamom, saffron	A plant chemical that mimics estrogen and helpful for women. This decreases; vaginal dryness, cholesterol, the likelihood of some cancers, and the side effects of menopause such as lowered sex drive.
Chlorogenic acid	Sunflowers	Aiding sexual stimulation.
Tryptophan	Black beans	Amino acid that relaxes.
***Yohimbe Bark (nature’s Viagra)	Must purchase in a healthfood store	It increases circulation, enhances libido, fights depression by releasing serotonin in the brain, relieves impotence caused by stress, fatigue or tension.

Sugar and spice and everything nice: handy aphrodisiacs to have in your kitchen

Cinnamon, cloves, ginger and other common cooking spices have been considered aphrodisiacs for thousands of years in both Western and Eastern cultures. Many years ago, cinnamon was used as a cure against impotence, often mixed with wine in Great Britain and Rome. Cloves are reputed to be a male aphrodisiac because of their shape, especially in Indonesian culture.  From ancient China, to Islam to the Greeks, ginger has been considered an aphrodisiac and cure all for many problems. Ginger is commonly used as a digestive aid, anti-inflammatory, and increases blood flow. Recently in a study in Nigeria at the College of Medicine at the University of Ibada, the effects of ginger on sexual functioning were tested on rats. The finding showed that after the eight days the rats were given ginger infused water, they experienced an increase of testosterone levels and also experienced an increase of weight in their testes.

Another sexual stimulant commonly found in a kitchen is honey. Honey is a great source of B vitamins which is needed for testosterone production. It also contains boron which helps the body metabolize estrogen in women and possibly enhances blood levels of testosterone in men. Molasses is a great source of iron, magnesium, chromium, and potassium, all being especially important in sexual hormone production for men.

That means holiday foods—which you probably thought you should stay away from—like pumpkin pie, spice cake, and gingersnaps are actually good for you. To maximize the effects of these ingredients, try adding a teaspoon of ginger and molasses to apple pie and apple crisp, add cinnamon to blackberry pie and cherry cobbler. Not only will your secret ingredient be delectable to the palette, but be infusing aphrodisiacs into your diet.

Aphrodisiacs: Science or Witchcraft?

Research done by the Health Professional Follow-Up Study found that regular exercise, weight loss, and weight maintenance were all “bedroom boosters”. Prescriptions, diet and exercise are considered science but the realm of aphrodisiacs are erroneously considered magic.

Some conservatives will claim that herbs and “potions” are witchcraft. It’s true that wise women who knew of medicinal cures long ago were thought of as witches—and sometimes burned at the stake for it. But cooking with aphrodisiacs is no more witchcraft than pharmaceuticals, nutrition or psychology.

The idea behind aphrodisiacs is that they aid in curing sexual inadequacies, whether those problems may be mental or physical. In reality, most aphrodisiacs are not true cures, but are herbs, vegetables and fruits rich in specific vitamins that heighten the body’s sexual functioning.

Hundreds of years ago, introducing a new exotic food into European culture from the Americas like chocolate or tomatoes did have a stimulating effect on the body, supplementing people with vitamins they normally wouldn’t eat. Exotic foods like coffee or rare foods like truffles were difficult to obtain, so eating a reputed aphrodisiac had nutritional benefits. A boost of Vitamin A, B, C, etc. can increase energy, stamina and overall well being. Small doses of caffeine increase energy.

Another way aphrodisiacs work is that they stimulate the psyche if one is eating a food or meal that reminds them of sexual organs such as bananas, asparagus, oysters or figs. In times of the past, people used food that symbolically resembled parts of a man or woman’s body in rituals, potions and cooking to inspire arousal. The subconscious isn’t a bad way to go. All seeds and nuts were symbols of fertility and virility because they represented male or female organs. Plants such as cucumbers, bananas and carrots are considered phallic because of their long, slender shape. Oysters and figs are symbolic of female organs.

Between the psychology and nutrition of aphrodisiacs, usually that is all one needs in order to benefit. But in some circumstances, the body needs more. Sometimes one needs something to enhance the libido. That is where true aphrodisiacs come in. Damiana, yohimbe bark, chocolate, and fava beans stimulate serotonin and dopamine and help decrease depression. Some plants have natural hormones or help increase hormones needed for sexual function such as soy which contains phytoestrogen for women, or ginko for men. Other herbs that promote circulation include ginger, and capsaicin (chili pepper).

In some cases when that isn’t enough, there are still other factors to examine such as exercise and medical conditions. For more information on this, see previous posts "Out of Order: 30 million American Men Battling Sexual Dysfunction" and "Out of Order: Sexual Dysfunction Solutions." More posts on aphrodisiacs are to come in the upcoming months.

Medications that effect sexual function

Many medications and prescriptions have side effects that we don’t think about. Some of these can influence sexual function. These range from anti-depressants to over the counter medications. Because everyone’s body is different and will react differently to side effects, sometimes people aren’t even aware their body is being affected in a negative way until they consider the medications they are taking and note how this may be effecting their lives.

There are medications noted to increase or decrease sex drive because it effects hormones. Dopamine increases sex drive whereas serotonin inhibits it. Drugs that block testosterone in men, like steroids, will cause difficulty with libido and circulation. Birth control can suppress or increase sexual function, depending on how it plays on that woman’s natural hormonal balance. It can be pretty frustrating, possibly even more depressing, for people on an anti-depressant who suddenly lack a sex drive and have one more stress factor in their lives.

If an anti-histamine, allergy medicine, or birth control is noted to cause dry mouth, it may also have other dehydrating side effects. Some people may also experience headaches. The medication can also cause a lack of natural lubrication. Imagine if one is taking two medications which are dehydrating, such as an allergy medicine like Claritin and birth control. If a woman notices an increase of side effects due to the medications she is taking, there will probably be an increased need to use lubricating products.

What people often don’t consider is that there are over-the-counter medications like Benadryl and cold medications which are known to cause drowsiness. Being tired is going to decrease the sex drive.

Websites like Net Doctor, always suggest that if one notices side effects on sexual and is concerned, it is a bad idea to stop taking one’s medication. It is important to speak with a physician to see if there is an alternative medication available with fewer or different side effects.

Prescription medications that cause sexual dysfunctions include the following according to Harvard Guide to Women’s Health:
Opiates (codine, morphine and methadone)--effects libido
Anti-depressions--increases difficulty in achieving orgasm
Chemotherapy/Cancer (anti-estrogens, cyclophsphamide)--vaginal dryness, reduced libido, reduced ability to orgasm
Anti-hypertensives (beta blockers, calcium channel blockers, diuretics and anit-adrenergics)--reduces libido and ability to orgasm
Barbiturates --causes many different sexual dysfunctions at high doses
Anti-cholinergics (propantheline and methantheline)--reduces libido
Benzodiazepines (alprazolam and diazepam)--difficulty achieving orgasms

Switching prescriptions isn’t always an option. For those interested in learning natural remedies to aid sexual function, please see the post on Miracle Herbs and Aphrodisiacs later next month.

Out of Order: Natural Sexual Dysfunction Solutions

 “Yeah, all this aphrodisiac stuff is great and all but I need something a little stronger. I need something that’s more than just nutrition,”one who has read about aphrodisiacs might say.

The idea behind aphrodisiacs is that it provides the nutrients to heighten the body’s sexual functioning. A boost of Vitamin A, B, C etc. can increase energy, stamina and overall well being. Aphrodisiacs can also stimulate the psyche if one is eating a food or meal that reminds them of sexual organs such as bananas, asparagus, oysters or figs. Some plants have natural hormones or help increase hormones needed for sexual function such as soy which contains phytoestrogen for women or ginko for men.

Usually that is all one needs. But in some circumstances, the body needs more than vitamins. Sometimes one needs something to enhance the libido. That is where true aphrodisiacs come in. Damiana, yohimbe bark, chocolate, and fava beans stimulate serotonin and dopamine and help decrease depression. And when that isn’t enough, there are still other factors to examine.

According to the Journal of the American Medical Association in a study reported in February 1999, about 43 % of women and 31 % of men suffer from sexual inadequacy.  In the article mentioned above, the causes for impotence ranges from lacking the ability to be aroused, inability to orgasm, premature ejaculation, or other sexual problems such as erectile dysfunction. The latter term specifically refers to not being able to achieve or maintain an erection hard enough for sexual intercourse 50 % of the time. Thirty million American men suffer from erectile dysfunction. Is it really so surprising that drugs such as Viagra, Levitra and Cialis are so popular?

Below is a list of reasons one might develop sexual dysfunctions and potential preventative measures one can take to remedy this. These are all natural and drug free ways to aid sexual health

List of Potential Problems and Potential Cures

Cause	Solution
Inadequate diet	Providing the vitamins and minerals the body is lacking.
Too much Fat	The body doesn’t need Omega 9 since our diet is already so rich in it. Try to avoid too much corn and canola oil, transfats, etc.
Not enough fat	The body needs more Omega 3 and 6’s which are found it fish oil,
Not enough exercise	When one does aerobic exercise at least three times a week, the body has more energy through out the day, sleeps better at night, decreases depression and increases circulation and sexual hormone production.
Prescription Medications	Some medications ranging from anti-depressants to birth control effect the body’s hormone production and sexual functioning. If an alternative prescription can be substituted,  some times that is a happy alternative.
Diabetes	Causes poor circulation.
Smoking	Decreases circulation.
Drinking	Damages the blood vessels and can cause a little too much relaxation in some cases.
Too much caffeine	Can cause a variety of symptoms including headaches to the caffeine low.
Aging	Yeah, try to avoid that one.
Stress	Effect the psychological and physiological functioning.
Depression	Effect the psychological and physiological functioning. Kava kava and St. John’s Wort are common herbal remedies, (not recommended for women taking birth control as it makes the birth control ineffective!)
Seasonal Depression	If you need more sunlight or Vitamin D, go to a tanning salon, get some sunlight and eat plenty of fresh vegetables and fruit.

Viagra and Women: Does it work?

According to the Journal of the American Medical Association in a study reported in February 1999, about 43 % of women and 31 % of men suffer from sexual inadequacy. 

Although erectile dysfunction is considered a medical condition, Harvard Health reports that female sexual dysfunction is not yet considered a medical condition. . . . Interestingly, this dysfunctions occurs 12% more in women. There are now prescription medications for women, though studies show they do no have the same results.  Why is that?

Women's reactions to medications in studies are more difficult to measure. They are qualitative not quantitative. Results can't be measured directly and relies on subjective feedback. A man's response to a drug like Viagra is easy to measure. Additionally, the causes are vastly different. Most Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD) doesn't occur from lack of circulation or lack of testosterone like it does in men, but from psychological, social, economical and other issues that effect a woman's sense of well being. What causes dysfunction in men do not apply to women.

The factors that can effect these qualitative results in studies relate to a women's well being--which is essential to healthy sexual function. Emotional health and personal relationship factors were considered to be the number one factors related to sexual function in women. Certainly there are other factors, but they generally relate to well being: dissatisfaction with a relationship with a partner; health problems, whether physical or mental; economic or social instability, being single; and having less education. 

Dr. John Bancroft, director of the Kinsey Institute speculated in the Archives of Sexual Behavior (Oct. 2002),  the societal suppression and stigma of sexuality in women may be one cause of dysfunction. Additionally, the evolutionary advantage of not wanting to create more offspring than one can raise, may be an evolutionary reason for inhibiting sexual function. Women may be genetically predisposed to experience dysfunction.

Not only are the reasons behind dysfunction different for women, but they physically manifest in different ways from men. They may experience Hypoactive Sexuality Disorder (lack of interest), Sexual Aversion Disorder (phobic avoidance), Orgasmic Disorder (inability or difficulty to orgasm), Sexual Arousal Disorder (inability to obtain or maintain sexual excitement), Vaginismus (involuntary muscle spasms which make it difficult or impossible to enter the vagina),  and Dyspareunia (pain during intercourse). A woman can experience pain during intercourse or not achieve an orgasm, but can still conceive a child. Whereas a man can't without even start without an erection. Is that a clue as to why more research has been done to aid men with reduced sexual function?

In order to be considered affected by sexual dysfunction, women must experience distress over their lack of sexual function. So even if a woman has painful intercourse, it isn't considered a clinical condition unless she cares or reports she cares. Interestingly, we don't have this same standard for men. If they experience a lack of erection, it is considered erectile dysfunction. Researcher since the 1999 Journal of American Medical Associate Study have questioned whether women were actually asked if they experienced distress. Though, even if they were, this do not address this double standard.

If there are 12% more women reported in studies who feel distress about sexual dysfunction than men, it would be interesting to know how many additional women versus men experience experience sexual dysfunction who do not care or expressed satisfaction with their sex life despite experiencing a condition such as Vaginismus. My guess is the rate of women experiencing FSD would go up.

Out of order: 30 million American men battling erectile dysfunction

30 million American men battling erectile dysfunction: Is Viagra the only answer?

According to the Journal of the American Medical Association in a study reported in February 1999, about 43 % of women and 31 % of men suffer from sexual inadequacy.  The kinds of impotence in men ranges from low libido, delayed or inability to orgasm, premature ejaculation, physical defects or abnormalities, and other sexual problems such as erectile dysfunction. The latter term specifically refers to not being able to achieve or maintain an erection hard enough for sexual intercourse 50 % of the time. Thirty million American men suffer from erectile dysfunction. Is it really so surprising that drugs such as Viagra, Levitra and Cialis are so popular?

But are these drugs really the answer when the side effects may include headache, flushing, runny nose, visual problems, heart attacks, and interfere with many prescriptions--including heart medications?

There are plenty of people who believe so, otherwise it wouldn't be such a booming industry, some elderly men wouldn't be lying about heart conditions in order to obtain these drugs, and these prescriptions wouldn't have become so easily accessible to purchase through the internet. There are now prescription medications for women, though studies show they do no have the same results. Although erectile dysfunction is considered a medical condition, Harvard Health reports that female sexual dysfunction is not yet considered a medical condition. . . . Interestingly, this dysfunctions occurs 10% more in women.

So what are the alternatives? The cause of the sexual dysfunction will effect the cure. Viagra, Levitra and Cialis primarily aid in blood flow and circulation. Natural remedies that increase blood flow might include: damiana, yohimbe bark, capsaicin (chili peppers and other spicy foods), ginger and regular exercise. If the problem is libido, Viagra and other drugs that stimulate circulation will not help. In those cases, medications that promote dopamine and serotonin are key. Natural mood stimulants include chocolate, small amounts of wine, fava beans and black beans.

How to hook a girl: writing a good personal ad

How do you write a good personal ad? Below is a list of things to include in a personal ad to catch a woman’s eye. Many have good examples taken from Portland Craigslist personal ads that men wrote looking for women.

Start with an interesting title. Think of a good hook that describes you, your personality or interests or something women might like. If you start you ad with something like, “I enjoyed reading Pride and Prejudice” or title your ad “Prince Charming looking for Princess,” it will appeal to a woman's romantic side and they will keep reading. At least a certain demographic of women will. On the other hand, if you didn’t actually enjoy reading Pride and Prejudice, then that plan isn’t going to work. Certainly the ad titled, “Does your unborn baby need a father?” was an odd, if not eye-catching ad.

Talk about what you want in a polite and tactful way. Focus on the positive, not on all the things you don’t want. Here are two well-worded examples:

“I am honest and drama free and would want the same in return.”

“I am also physically fit and looking for the same.”

Describe your interests.

Let your personality show in your word choice and how you phrase things. It is okay to be quirky and memorable.

“I'm completely ready for a life-long rapturous romance, friendship, play and a partner to ride the river of life with. Deep and heart-felt conversation is a must for me, because I believe it's the backbone to true intimacy.”

Use humor. A hilarious ad had this list:

Employed? Yes
Car? Yes
House? Yes
Funny? Abso-F'n-Lutly
Kids? No
Psyco-x's? Nope! All my stalkers are in the past! Currently taking applications for future psycho-x's. ;)
Goals? Yes
Adventurous? You have no idea! I've actually considered changing my middle name to "Adventure".
Attractive? Yes. I'm not Taylor Lautner, but chances are you aren't Megan Fox. LOL

Be sweet. If it fits your romantic personality to say all the ways you would like to spoil the woman you love like giving her foot massages, making chicken soup for her when she has a cold and snuggling, and other sweet gestures, that will make her heart melt. But again, make sure these are things you actually enjoy.

Be honest (especially about your age). And if you are in an open relationship and seeing other people.

Include an accurate photo of yourself. Here are some tactful, non-demanding ways to ask for a photo:

“I can provide a photo upon exchange with you.”

“If I sound like someone you'd want to talk to, email me and tell me about yourself. Pictures are a plus, but really just tell me about you (age, height, that type of stuff).”

Use a spell check and grammar check. It makes you appear intelligent and well-educated. And not lazy. It shows you want to make a good impression.

Be concise and succinct in what you say. Many online ads don’t have the limits newspapers do, but still be aware of how much you are saying and the quality of the information. Anything more than a page might be too long and anything under a paragraph will be too short.

Be sincere. There is no point in saying you want to be a girl’s Romeo if you hate Shakespeare and won't be able to explain why you said that later.

For a humorous look on how to make women run, screaming away from your personal ad, wait for next months's post.

How to write a HORRIBLE personal ad

When someone is shopping, an advertisement is supposed to represent the merchandize and show it off in its best light, making someone want to buy it. This is the premise of good marketing: knowing your target audience and hooking them with what they want. It is the same with personal ads: you are showing yourself off to your best advantage, and making yourself appear as attractive and intelligent as possible. Because the reader doesn’t know you, hasn’t heard of you, and can’t talk with you (yet), it is one way for someone to see your ad and be drawn to you by what you say.

On the other hand, it might be an opportunity for the target audience to see how horrible someone is by what they say. (Not you, of course.) It only takes one distasteful comment or one thoughtless remark to make people navigate away. (And you wouldn’t believe how many post poorly written personal ads.) But maybe you just aren’t good at writing or making yourself come across as attractive in writing.

Here are a couple examples from poorly written personal ads on the Portland Craigslist in January. Listed after each quote is the reason why a woman might be turned off by the sentence or wording.

“I have lived a life from perfect and have never cheated on anybody before ending the relationship my word and I am proud of this.” (Odd commentary, also poor grammar.)

“I am very Family orented and do not want to let my family down.” (Poor grammar and poor spelling. Not to mention an odd thing to share.)

“Do you enjoy being passionately kissed while being fingered and having your. . . .” (What kind of woman do you expect to answer this ad?)

“Would you like an oral exam?” (Is sex the only thing you care about?)

“If you are an honest Person plz have pic with you holding something with the date on it.” (Obsessive, paranoid, psycho?)

“At the moment I'm around 3 weeks from literally living in my car on the streets.” (Sad, pathetic and the girls are running away as fast as possible.)

“NO over weight people. Thanks.” (Rude. And subjective. What does overweight really mean in our culture? It will have most women obsessing over their self image—and hating you—even if they are thin.)

“no pic no responce.” (Demanding. Oh yeah, and can’t spell or is too lazy to run a spell check.)

“I like My women to be in shape” (Misogynist who probably also wants his woman barefoot and pregnant.”

“I have a saggy-boob fetish.” (Whoa, not only is that weird but if you decide I’m attractive to you, I will be afraid to go out in public until I buy more supportive bras.)

Here are some things sure to turn off most women:

Demanding that a woman must send a photo.

Insisting she send a photo, but not having one posted of yourself first.

Posting a photo of an anime character, your cat or a sunset.

Coming across as conceited by posting photographs of your muscles.

Please, no pictures of your penis.

Saying what you don’t want instead of saying what you do want.

Being negative and talking about the past, like about an ex and how you have been used.

Writing five sentences or less about yourself.

Writing five pages or more about yourself.

Not using a spell check.

Not consistently capitalizing the beginnings of sentences, capitalizing random words, or a lack of punctuation.

Being too forward and describing sexual things you want to do to a woman that she would rather hear after she has gotten to know you—if at all.

Saying you don’t want fat women to reply to your ad. (Besides the fact that you are focusing on the negative and not saying what you do want, it is insulting and not tactfully put. Ladies will be less likely to respond to the ad even if they feel comfortable with their weight because they don’t want someone who is a jerk who might make them feel fat.)

Being dishonest about your age such as by saying you are in your forties but are forty-nine and about to turn fifty.

Behaving as if you are desperate (even if you are), wanting someone to text you the night you post the ad.

Omitting your age.

Focusing/obsessing for sentences (or paragraphs!) on the annoyances of spambots and emphasis on real people. One politely worded sentence will do.

For more information on how to successfully hook a girl with a good personal ad, see next month's article.

Racy Thought of the Day

Lady Chatterley came across advice for ladies on a "researched" method for a woman to get a man to pay attention and listen to her from a website called Blue Pill. The suggestion was for a woman to take off her blouse and corset in order to make him listen to what she had to say. Despite one's doubts in this method, Lady Chatterley decided to put this to the test. Though with one addition: She wrote on her bosom in magic marker: I am breaking up with you.

Where to look for love BEFORE Valentine’s Day

Many single people wait until February before they start looking for a date. And, of course, because they’re in such a desperate, crabby, why-doesn’t-anyone-love-me mood, they are unsuccessful in getting a date and instead binge on a bag full of chocolate. Not that Lady Chatterley has ever been one of these people.

So, how are you going to avoid this predicament? Start looking early!

Places to find love

Forget bars! If you want to find someone intelligent, classy, and who might share the same interests as you, try these alternative places.

Book clubs: Looking for nerd love? All you have to do is an internet search for “book clubs” in your local area. Barnes and Nobles has groups. For those in Portland, the book mecca of Powell’s Books has three different locations in the Portland area and their calendar is packed with authors, events and book groups. And if you are a guy and really want to go someplace filled with women, check out the Cheeky Pages romance book group. (Though they also have mystery, science fiction and other genres.)

http://www.powells.com/calendar.html

Romance Writers of America: There are over 30 local chapters. The Portland chapter, Rose City Romance Writers has a membership of over 100 people, mostly women. Those are pretty good odds for the guys. At least for guys who enjoy supporting romance writing.

Dancing: Women love men who can dance and what better place to go than someplace that teaches dance? And for the men, there are almost always more women at places that teach dance or host open dance so you are in high demand.

For a complete list of dance events going on in Portland go to Portland Dancing.

http://www.portlanddancing.com/

Meet Up: This group is a way to connect and meet other people with similar interests. For example, on the Meet Up website, there are categories such as arts and entertainment, sports and recreation, heath and support as well as many others. In Portland, there are tarot card groups, ASL practice groups, outdoors groups and others. To find people with similar interests in your city, check it out.

http://www.meetup.com/cities/us/or/portland/

Outdoors Clubs: If you enjoy the outdoors, organizations such as the Trails Club of Oregon, or Mazamas a Portland hiking, rock climbing, skiing club might be right for you. There also is the Willamette Sailing Club, and Bergreunde Mountain Friends, an outdoor, sports and social club.

http://www.trailsclub.org/

http://www.mazamas.org/

http://www.willamettesailingclub.com/

http://www.bergfreunde.org/ClubPortal/ClubStatic.cfm?clubID=513&pubmenuoptID=4900

Singles Clubs: Events and Adventures is a singles club for people in Oregon and SW Washington.

http://www.eventsandadventuresportland.com/

LoveTribe: A different way to connect with people: There is an organization called LoveTribe, all about bringing people together and helping them connect in nontraditional ways to create a feeling of community with parties like snuggle parties and game nights. Their events are edgy, not a dating service, and certainly not right for all people, but something different to try. LoveTribe started in Portland and has branched out to many other cities.

http://www.lovetribe.org/lovetribe/public/pages/home.cfm?CFID=24378371&CFTOKEN=34769637

Online dating: Let say you don’t read books, can’t dance, don’t like the outdoors, and have no hobbies, so none of those social clubs seem right to you. When you have tried everything else, or you don’t have any time (or money) to attend a social club, there is always the internet. Craigslist is free and always has local personal ads. I know two different middle school teachers who met their husbands through online personal ads, one with Eharmony and the other with Match.com. And neither woman is afraid to tell people that’s how she met her husband. Craigslist and Okcupid are free. As a result, there is also a higher rate of unemployed people without cars and cell phones. On the plus side, Okcupid is said to cater to a younger, nerdier crowd. Plenty of Fish and Christian Singles are other dating sites. And there are many more out there.